This is a satirical look at the Isle of Wight. It is a good natured poke at island life. It is a slice of the stories from The Spoof, a satirical on-line newspaper. There are various contributors.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Isle Of Wight's Most Wanted Evades Capture Once Again

Master criminal and Isle of Wight's most wanted man, Curly O'Halloran evaded police yet again, after a four hour siege in a barn on the outskirts of Shanklin.

The wily thief had recently robbed a bakery van and fled to the secluded barn, with the islands police in hot pursuit. Armed response units were called, and a siege situation took hold.

Fearing that the siege could last days, with O'Halloran bedded in with more than enough baked goods to last him a fortnight, police officers worked hard to try and talk the thief out. But their attempts were in vain.

Unbeknownst to them, O'Halloran was hard at work in the barn constructing his get-away vehicle, using items he found laying around inside.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Public Toilet Menace

The public toilet at Ventnor
After the news last week that the public lavatory in Shanklin had been left to go feral, it appears that it has formed a pack of feral public toilets roaming the east coast of the Island.

According to eye witness accounts, this pack of feral public toilets is catching the unwary unawares.

"It started with the Shanklin Public Lav," said Carl Parker, councillor in charge of Parks and Parking, and now Toilets. "Due to budget cuts, the toilet had been left uncleaned for a month, and it turned feral."


The number 852 bus to be removed

Sadly no longer with us
Residents of Ryde are up in arms today after the shock revelation that the number 852 bus is to be removed from the schedule.

"This is intolerable," said Jasper Featherington-Wright, 89. "The 852 is the only bus that connects Ryde to Newport. If we want to get to Newport now, we have to catch the 153 to Cowes and then the 99 to Newport. Intolerable! This adds an intolerable two and a half hours to any bus journey to Newport. Intolerable! It's a good job I go everywhere by car, isn't it?"


Unfortunate porpoise cannot be saved

A lesser spotted stranded porpoise
Rescuers who attempted to rescue a stranded porpoise have come under intense criticism from animal rights activists for their methods in returning the unfortunate creature back out to sea.

"The stranded porpoise was found on a beach near Brighstone," said animal rights spokesman, Anna Maltesting. "Stranded porpoises are quiet resilient. They could have rolled it back into the water. Now had it been a harbour porpoise then they would have had to be more careful."