Isle Of Wight's Most Wanted Evades Capture Once Again

Master criminal and Isle of Wight's most wanted man, Curly O'Halloran evaded police yet again, after a four hour siege in a barn on the outskirts of Shanklin.

The wily thief had recently robbed a bakery van and fled to the secluded barn, with the islands police in hot pursuit. Armed response units were called, and a siege situation took hold.

Fearing that the siege could last days, with O'Halloran bedded in with more than enough baked goods to last him a fortnight, police officers worked hard to try and talk the thief out. But their attempts were in vain.

Unbeknownst to them, O'Halloran was hard at work in the barn constructing his get-away vehicle, using items he found laying around inside.

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Public Toilet Menace

The public toilet at Ventnor

After the news last week that the public lavatory in Shanklin had been left to go feral, it appears that it has formed a pack of feral public toilets roaming the east coast of the Island.

According to eye witness accounts, this pack of feral public toilets is catching the unwary unawares.

"It started with the Shanklin Public Lav," said Carl Parker, councillor in charge of Parks and Parking, and now Toilets. "Due to budget cuts, the toilet had been left uncleaned for a month, and it turned feral."

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The number 852 bus to be removed



Sadly no longer with us

Residents of Ryde are up in arms today after the shock revelation that the number 852 bus is to be removed from the schedule.

"This is intolerable," said Jasper Featherington-Wright, 89. "The 852 is the only bus that connects Ryde to Newport. If we want to get to Newport now, we have to catch the 153 to Cowes and then the 99 to Newport. Intolerable! This adds an intolerable two and a half hours to any bus journey to Newport. Intolerable! It's a good job I go everywhere by car, isn't it?"

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Unfortunate porpoise cannot be saved

A lesser spotted stranded porpoise

Rescuers who attempted to rescue a stranded porpoise have come under intense criticism from animal rights activists for their methods in returning the unfortunate creature back out to sea.

"The stranded porpoise was found on a beach near Brighstone," said animal rights spokesman, Anna Maltesting. "Stranded porpoises are quiet resilient. They could have rolled it back into the water. Now had it been a harbour porpoise then they would have had to be more careful."

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Flying Teacups Over Solent

Sightings are increasing

Residents of Newtown were treated to an unusual spectacle over the weekend as a series of unidentified flying objects were seen hovering over The Solent.

Longtime resident Emma Sandstrom, eighty-three of Dovercourt Crescent, says this was no ordinary UFO sighting.
"We are used to the regular saucers and such which are as common as a stray dog around here on clear nights but this was none of that."

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Weekend Rioting at Puckpool Park

Result of Google search for "Youngs Rocking Police Car"

Rioting broke out this weekend late Saturday outside of Puckpool Gardens in Ryde. The riot began with local youths who are believed to have over indulged at the Puckpool Tea Garden after a long afternoon of mini-golf and Pétanque.

The two Ryde youths now in custody, Jason Youngs and Karl Fettling, both 17, have no prior convictions and are believed to be good students. Youngs and Fettling thought they would end their day with a bit of tomfoolery by rocking a parked police car.

Tom and Ben Harder who farm near Yaverland were in for the visiting for the day at the Gardens noticed the youths struggling to rock the car and immediately volunteered to assist the young gentlemen in overturning the cruiser.

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David Pugh was a victim of phone hacking

Alison at her exchange

Councillor for the Isle of Wight, David Pugh has come forward as yet another victim of the Snooze of the World Phone Hacking Scandal.


"It came to light that journalists were listening in on my telephone calls late last month," said Pugh. "Alison, the receptionist on the island had been taking bribes from journalists so they could listen to my conversations."


The Isle of Wight is the last place in the world where all calls are routed through a single, manually operated telephone exchange. The exchange has been a tourist feature since 1972 when the large glass window was installed, but Pugh is angling to have Alison replaced by a computerised exchange.


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